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Comments for Angela's Intrusive Thoughts Average Rating Click here to add your own comments Apr 02, 2012 Rating Scary Thoughts by: Anonymous, you are not alone Angela, I was in the house one day with my husband and he was working on the closets, putting in a new closest system, when I had a scary thought that what if I picked up the took and hurt him. I was so afraid I could not even control it. I started to get so scared. I went into the room where he was working and watched TV and don't you know it, this woman on the TV slit her husband's throat on a soap opera, I had taped while at work. There it went. The thought slip the throat kept coming into my mind over and over and over and I was so afraid I was paralized. I told my husband and asked him to take me to my counselor. I cried for over an hour begging her to lock me up. My husband sat through the session and never once reacted to my thoughts. I asked him if he was afraid of me and he said he knows more than anyone I could never do that. But what I later discovered was I was so mad at him for things he had done over the years, that were not his fault, that my scary thoughts were surrounded around him. You see when he got out of the military he could not find a job where we were so he moved us aay from our home, friends, and family. We moved to the desert in Cali, which is nothing but dead plans and snakes and animals. Later my best friend got cancer and I watched her die the most horrible death you could imagine, right after my dog got cancer and lost the use of his lower half of his body and we had to put him down, I never left his side and I felt as though I could not breathe, after that my brother died of a blood clot that no one saw coming. My mind was so full of grief I could not breathe and I was blaming my husband for it all. I came to terms that he did what he had to do to care for his family. I have been with the AF for 20 years myself so I understand. but when you have anxeity you cannot control what your mind races through. Look deep Angela and see if there are any issues you have deep down that you may be blaming him for and deal with them. Even if it is silly. Then my counselor said to me; ok you dealth with the issues now are your thoughts relevant anymore? I looked at him like he was crazy LOL. I said what??? he said is the scary thought relevant anymore now that you dealt with the hurt and anger. I said I guess not and he replied by saying then tell it so. So then every time the scary thought came to my mind I would say: YOU ARE NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE AND I NO LONGER NEED YOU TO PUSH MY BUTTONS. before I knew it I was no longer having them. I still get scary thoughts from time to time but I put them in their place. You sound like such a wonderful person and I know you would never hurt him. But ask yourself if these thoughts are even relevant. And if you tell yourself no, then let them go. I pray for the best for you. Aug 22, 2011 Rating Intrusive thoughts by: Anonymous Hi Angela, Thanks for sharing your experience, I too have had similar terrifying thoughts, and I ended up completely unable to sleep. If I fell asleep I would dream horrifying dreams, and be woken with scary hallucinations (part of a sleep disorder I have since been diagnosed with). I thought I was insane, and still do at times. I have been seeing 4 or 5 different therapists, and have had a lot of help. I still have days where I hate being inside my head, but found enormous comfort in having openly spoken about the unwelcome and inappropriate thoughts I do have. My OCD begun at about 19 when if I accidently bumped into someone I would feel an overwhelming and disproportionate sensation that I had violently hurt them. I knew this hadn't happened, but my brain was telling me two different things. I didn't seek help until my early 30ies. Mar 07, 2011 Rating I thought I was alone. by: Anonymous Hi Angela, I too, suffered with disgusting and horrifying thoughts about hurting my friends, family, and my dog which distrssed me so harshly. It's hard to put into words the experience and how it literally just "pops' into your head without warning, but you described it well here. Mar 01, 2011 Rating So much to say! by: Anthony Whew!!!!! I just wrote in, and was waiting for a responce from the site. I have been dealing with the same problem for a while now. I was getting scary thoughts of "what if I get the thought of hurting my family, and not being able to control it" I mean the thought alone would scare the hell out of me. I too just want to live my life, and be a normal loving father and husband. Thank you for sharing your story. It feels a lot better to hear that someone else is having the same problem I have. I turn to the scriptures for help also. One that helps me and that I speak aloud is "God doesn't give us the spirit of fear, but of Power, Love, and of Sound Mind." I repeat that to myself over and over. "I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me" Currently I'm not taking any med's. Honestly I am afraid to, because of the side-effects of them. I know that we can overcome this problem. We are children of the most High God, and just like you will take care of your children God will take care of us. So stay strong, don't give up! When the voices and thoughts get to loud, be still for He is God. With God on our side who dare be against us! It's scary I know, but we can do this. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for the site, I've been (struggling) dealing, I really don't want to say struggle. I word it diffrently, because we just deal, and it will pass. I beat it before and I will beat it again. Thanks again for sharing your story!!! Oct 21, 2010 Rating With the help of God by: Anonymous I feel your pain I too suffer from these thoughts I have ocd I. I am alright as long as I am away from my house as soon as I get home all of these thoughts come flooding back full force and I am afraid to be in my house I never want to come home I feel that my house is so dirty and I don't want to be in it. My anxiety is extreme I want to run away of course I have no where to go. I don't have a supportive husband that I could talk to about this and getting help while married to him woul be impossible as he would want me to just snap out of it he has no tolerance for any- one who is ill. It would be to hard for me to go thru treatment while married to him. He would not want his life disrupted I would be a weih around his neck. I will try to fight this on my own with the help of God I will survive Click here to add your own comments Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? 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