Anxiety & depression how I got my life back!
by Marissa
(Appleton Wisconsin)
About three months ago my life completely changed. That was when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I made Him the center of my life and myself second. This decision is by far the best decision that I have ever made.
For so long I have been searching for a way to fill this constant void that was within me. I thought that eating a certain way or taking certain vitamins, doing yoga, shopping (retail therapy), smoking cigarettes, hooking up with guys who could care less about me, drinking alcohol, would fill this void. Instead, I only got instant gratification from all these things. They would fill me up temporarily and then I would feel empty again and I would be searching for a way to feel full again.
I remember the night I accepted Jesus into my life. I was to the point where I didn’t know what to do anymore. My anxiety was taking over my life to the point where it was difficult for me to do everyday things. It was a struggle to leave the house by myself because I was afraid if I had a panic attack what would I do? I used to be scared to drive if it was cloudy outside. I didn’t even eat anything if I was by myself because I was afraid of what would happen if I choked? I even had 3 cell phones at one point because I was afraid that if I lost service for even a minute something bad would happen. And if I did leave the house by myself I constantly checked my phone for service, or I would be on my phone talking to someone so I felt reassured that I wasn’t completely alone.
I couldn’t deal with this anxiety anymore it was taking over my life. I had tried medicine and the anti-anxiety medicine worked temporarily but it made me so tired and out of it so I couldn’t function. The anti-depressants made me so depressed it was ridiculous. I knew that I needed to try something different, because I literally tried everything. That is when one night I remember I was so hopeless I didn’t know what to do. I had just bought a new bible and I had been reading it, but I didn’t really know where to start reading... I didn’t know anything about the bible. I was reading in the book of Proverbs and I found this scripture and for some reason it really opened my eyes. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.” This meant that if I trusted in God with everything I had... then He would keep me safe and He would guide me in His direction. I had tried everything and nothing worked.. I surrendered my whole life to Him that very night. I said "God, if you are listening to me, know that I am done living my life for myself because living for myself isn’t working. I want to live my life for you and only you".
"Lord Jesus, I have done things that are wrong. I repent of my sins. I ask you to come into my heart; wash me with Your blood. I make You my Lord and Savior. Oh Lord, you are now more than my God; You're my Heavenly Father and I'm going to serve You all the days of my life. Jesus is my Lord. Amen."
After saying this prayer a few times, I went to bed. The next morning I felt like everything had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt this feeling I have never felt before in my life. I realized nothing really matters. Jesus loves me so much that he died on the cross to save me from all my sins and all I needed to do was accept him and make him number one and have a relationship with Him. The only person that can judge me or that has any say in who I am as a person is Jesus. What happened in my past doesn’t matter and people can try to use it against me but they can’t because I am already forgiven. So if I am already forgiven for my past mistakes then why I am holding on to them. By doing this I am giving myself more glory then Jesus. Because I am already forgiven. Jesus loves everyone it doesn’t matter what you have done, what has happened, or what your situation is. Because through the grace and love of Him, you are forgiven and He will give you strength. I don’t care what people have to say they might say that all I do is go to church or church activities. Well I was made by my creator and this life is not about what I want it’s about living everyday fulfilling God's plan for me. I feel that some people have to go through different struggles until they realize that nothing will ever change until they make God the center of there life. I definitely had to struggle with this panic and emptiness for a long while. I wouldn’t say that I am one hundred percent cured, but I am happy to say that I know God has a plan for me and I am not sure exactly what it all is. But I do know this my number one priority is to make a difference in peoples lives. This society is struggling and it’s because they don’t have God in there life. I want to reach out to these people who are lost and if I could help someone and guide them to having a relationship with God. I believe this would be one of the most rewarding feelings ever. I would much rather be able to say I have done this in my life. I don’t want to live the American Dream. Going to college and getting a degree and then working all my life so I can have enough money to retire and then have a nice beach house in Florida and relax all day does not sound appealing at all. There are people who are struggling all over and if I turn my eyes on them, then what is going to happen to me when judgment day comes and I have turned my back on all these people. I could have helped but I was too caught up in what I was doing and living life for myself and not for Jesus. I was created for a purpose it was not an accident. Through studying the Word and his promises I am reassured that I am never alone. Jesus is and always has been with me I just needed to accept him. I am beyond blessed and I know that there will be struggles but with faith ANYTHING is possible.