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Bad Anxiety

by Mee
(UK)

I'm 23 yeard old single mother. I'll just give a bit of background - I've experienced bad domestic violence for 4 years, physically and mentally. Though my son was always kept out of it, I finally got away and he threatened my to kill me and my son. He is now serving time in prison, though he's due to be released in the next few months. We have a restraining order but I think reading such nasty threats about my child has triggered this off. The last 3 months have been hell, it started with a panic attack then bang!! I was having them a few times a night (I'm only effected at night for some reason) I read up and learned how to stop my panic attacks, then this, anxiety. I'm scared of everything, and I feel stupid saying this, none of my family knows! I feel so silly, but I'm scared of a robber coming in when me and my son are asleep. I'm scared of my boiler blowing up when I have the gas on. I'm scared of people down the street that could be rapists or murderers, scared that airplanes that fly overhead will land on my house, scared of so much. Every night consists of fighting panic attacks then looking out the windows, checking doors, making sure there's no planes, then fighting panic attack again. I feel so doomed, and the strange thing is it's only at night when its dark outside. I'm also scared that I have heart problems as the anxiety has caused chest pain. I went to the docs today and finally told them how I been feeling and he was so nice, didn't think I was stupid at all. He gave me beta-blockers though I've read these only help the physically side. I'm starting a group next week that helps women who have been threw domestic violence. I hope this helps the mental side, I used to be such a strong independent women, and now I feel like nothing, my son is my world I want to be that women again that he will be proud of, not a scared of her own shadow mess!! I want to meet a nice man, but that won't happen I can't go near men now. Anyway, I only found this site today, and its great, I love it, thank you for reading, it feels so good to actually write this out. xx

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