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Bad Thoughts

by Tony

Hi there! I'm 29 years old, and I have been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety for years now off and on. Normally I would worry about dying or losing control, going insane. I recently went to the E.R because of my panic attack. After leaving there I got a number for something called a "mental emergency" I would call them when I was feeling a panic attack. Then they would ask me well what I thought to be crazy questions, like do I feel like hurting myself or others. Of course I said no, the whole point of me calling them is because I was afraid I was going to die. So I wouldn't want to hurt myself or anyone else for that matter. That question has now always been in the back of my mind. So now thats become one of my scary thoughts. What if I do hurt someone else. I don't want to, but the thought alone is freaking scary. Then I think to myself what if I can't control myself, which now makes me more scared and panicky. I don't take any med's because I'm afraid of the side effects like suicide. I want it to help me, not make it worse. So I tried this thing called gaba-plus, which has gaba, insitol, and niacan. I'm just scared to take any pills, but after taking that I had another panic attack. Not because of the pill I don't think, but because I scared myself about the pill. I started thinking, well what if the pill makes it worse or what if die from taking it. So then that started a panic attack. I want to give it another chance, but to be honest I am afraid to take it. I just want the stupid thoughts to go away. I actually don't have the thoughts to do so, I have the thoughts of what if I have those thoughts. I know that doesn't make sense. It really upsets me that I'm afraid of my thoughts. Pills in genaral scare me, but I do want to get better. I feel like a nut job. Please help. Tell me... am I the only one? Is there hope? I mean I have had panic attacks before but I don't think I've ever had these crazy thougts before. Am I getting worse? PLEASE HELP!!!

-At My Witts End

Response from Sound-Mind.org

Hello Tony,

Your story sounds all so familiar! You are definately not the only one! Promise!! Sometimes when people are in the middle of anxiety, all it takes is for someone to say the wrong thing. It happened to me the very same way! In the middle of my high anxiety, someone had expressed their fears to me and their scary thoughts and then I had suddenly adopted them as my own! I was horrified because those thoughts became my obsessive thoughts and no matter how much I wanted to push them out of my mind, the more they persisted. I thought for sure I was losing my mind and my grip on reality. I too, had fears taking anything. Even when I tried natural remedies, I thought for sure I was experiencing side effects when indeed there were none. The mind is so powerful... this is the very reason for the word "placebo"!
With scary, obsessive thoughts, whether about hurting yourself or hurting another person, it is rather the fear of doing something out of our control than it is about anything else. The mind always seems to pick the worst things to obsess about. It works hard to protect us from doing the unimaginable.
Think about it, the idea alone of losing it, doing something we don't want to do is NOT the same thing as someone who is seriously contemplating it. With anxiety, you are in "hyper-control" (if that's even a word)... this means that you are trying to control everything, even your worst imaginations from ever happening. It is completely exausting!!
Be sure to read Obsessive Thinking - Ending Scary Thoughts for some helpful tips. There is also a great book that I talk about there that helped alot, called The Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts
The book is also available at your local library and so I encourage you to read it.
When it comes to natural supplements, there are quite a few that help, be sure to check out Natural Stress Relief:
Supplements that Really Work
I also used GABA and found it helped greatly when taken at night. If you want to try something to help alleviate your anxiety, then I encourage you to try again. Remember, there is no magic pill, only medications and supplements that can help aid in recovery. How you choose to do that is completely up to you.
Hang in there - stay strong and remember, you are not alone!

~Susan

Comments for Bad Thoughts

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Nov 19, 2014
Anonymous j
by: Susan

The trick is to just let panic come and let it pass. Feel it to it's fullest and don't run, just let it overcome you while you "float". The hardest part of doing this is resisting the urge to run or remove yourself from your situation. Panic attacks often come without warning, but they typically follow the same pattern every time. When you notice this, you can then give yourself permission to face your panic feelings. It is only through repetition that you will teach yourself a new way of responding to fear & uncertainty. Accept, float, let time pass... True acceptance is anything but resistance.

Sep 07, 2014
Me too
by: Anonymous j

Not sure if anyone reads this anymore. I have been dealing with panic disorder for 17 years. I definitely have the symptom of feeling like I'm going crazy and that if I do I will do something awful. People say, "but you've never gone crazy...doesn't that prove that you never will?" But I think to myself, I just haven't gone crazy YET. I've just been able to put it off. I too obsess about any movie, news story, etc where someone does something terrible and I apply it to myself. I can even visualize myself doing it. It's as though my brain is torturing me with my biggest fears. I worry that if I can think about it...visualize it...then maybe I could do it. Or it somehow means that I want to do it. I have read about a treatment method which involves taking a panic attack to its worst place. While you are having one, you 'will' it to go further, to its darkest depth. I guess the point is that once you go there and get through that, you finally realize all your fears never happen. But for someone who's afraid to go crazy, that's awful scary.

May 26, 2013
Me, too
by: Anonymous

Apr 25, 2011
Scary Thoughts
by: Anonymous

I could've written your post. How are you?

Aug 14, 2012
Bad thoughts
by: Anonymous

I'm a suffer too of bad thoughts! It seems the more I try to not have them the more they plague me. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of years with anxiety and one day out of no where I became terrified I was going to hurt my son. That has been several months now and I still have horrible thoughts. It almost makes me panic just writing this. It seems like I've tried everything and it only marginally works. If anyone has any ideas please let me know! Prayers please, for I need them so badly.

May 31, 2011
Bad thoughts
by: Anonymous

I too have had the obsessive thoughts but just recently. My husband was working on our closets and I was just starting to have anxiety attacks and I looked down at the tools and got so scared and started thinking, "what if I lose my mind and hurt him with those tools?". I became afraid of the tools. If that was not bad enough - I was watching a soap on TV and saw a wife slit her husband's throat with no remorse at all and then that was it; I was gone. I was so afraid I could not stop the thought of me doing that to my husband. It scared me so bad I would elaborate on it and all day long the thought of slitting the throat, the words not the action, would come into my head. I was so afraid I could hardly function. I started seeing a counselor and one day when the thoughts would not stop I became so afraid I could not help but to think I belonged in a hospital away from everyone. I went to the counselor and my husband went in with me. My children, who are adults, and my husband knew all about the thoughts. They were not thoughts of how I was going to do it or details of it but just the thoughts of losing my mind and doing something like that. Anyway, at the counselors that night I broke down and cried for two hours. She then looked at me and said I was no harm to myself or anyone else. She said we do this to ourselves sometimes because we really do not want to deal with what is truly causing the anxiety. I felt so good that day when I left there. I have had just two mild anxiety attacks in the past 7 days and my thoughts stopped. I am not saying they are gone all together, but I refuse to engage them. She taught me a technique called thought stopping. I visualize a cartoon character skidding to a stop and then I laugh and move on. I also purchased the Lucinda Bassett's Attacking Anxiety & Depression Program and it has been a Godsend to me. To listen to the CDs and hear the other people talk about their thoughts. One woman discussed how she could not even bath her own baby cause her fear was she would drown her child. Now when the thoughts come, I stop them and I think about what is really bothering me and I make myself deal with it. I am so sorry for your pain and I pray this helps you. I also pray to God to be with me all the time. Hope you feel better soon.

Apr 25, 2011
Scary Thoughts
by: Anonymous

I want to start off by saying what a helpful website, I've been suffering from scary thoughts for a long time now. They are there when I wake up and when I go to sleep and they seem to come without me even thinking them! It all started when I was going through a stressful time in my life I became tired and all it took was a story on the news to trigger the cycle. I started thinking, "what if I end up doing what that person on the news has done" and then I had all these horrid thoughts that wouldnt go away. I'd try to figure out why I was getting them which made them come on even stronger then I started getting depressed as I thought I was going mad and I would end up in a mental home. I would cry myself to sleep, anxiety is terrible and wouldn't wish it on anyone, I'm still suffering quite badly any advice?

Mar 09, 2011
Thank You So Much
by: Tony

Hey there,

Thanks for the advice, I really needed that. I did think I was alone on the scary thoughts I was having. I didn't elaborate on them much really, but I did get the chance to read Angelas intrusive thounghts. They were scary as-well
and very discriptive, and was similiar to what my thoughts were like. I do a lot of reading on anxiety and depession and does the term "Too much information is a bad thing"? Well my wife seems to think so. She says I read too much about it. I read to inform myself on how or what I can do to overcome it. At times though I do scare myself because I think back to some of the things I've read and it will scare me. Not all the things I read are bad, most have been useful, and helpful. Some days are better than others. These past few days start off well, but in the middle of the day while I'm at work there it will go with a scary thought which will lead to panic. I tell myself "I can do this, its no big deal, it will pass, it didn't kill me yesterday and I didn't go insane" At the time that I'm saying these things I don't actually believe what I'm telling myself, because of the derealization or how ever you spell that word. After it passes I do feel better and I'm like wow I did it. Nothing happen I'm still here and still myself. I do get the thought that I will forget who I am or that I'll just get amnesia or something. Where do these thoughts come from, lol? I mean I think back to myself and I'm like thats just stupid, why would I think that? I guess its a good thing that I can look back and laugh at myself. At the time though I don't think its funny at all, pretty scary stuff.

I can't thank you enough for the site, I'm greatful for it. I hope God blesses you and your family for the good you do here. The site is a great idea. I like that I can always come back and read it again, and again. It feels so good to be able to come here and talk and share my crazy thoughts with people who understand me and what I'm going through. We are not alone, and sooner than later we will all feel normal again. We already are normal I know, but we need to feel that way I think. Well I know I do, I guess we need to fake it till we make it. Pretend we are till we are. Put on a smile, pretend we are happy till one day we wake up and what do you know.....
WE ARE!!

Thanks again!!! -Tony-

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