Controlling Anger
In A Stressful World
Controlling anger is a difficult task especially if you are used to allowing
your anger to control you.
Anger is an emotion that if not dealt with properly can
build up to the point of imploding or exploding.
People who see anger as wrong or sinful tend to
suppress their anger. Suppression is not an effective
method for controlling anger. People who suppress their
anger as a means of control, tend to hold it inside thinking
that it isn't okay to express their feelings. By holding
anger inward, although this may seem noble, creates a
feeling of intense anxiety. This will effect your emotional
wellness in a negative way. This anxiety could even be based
on the misbeliefs that they would somehow lose control if
they were to express their anger or lose respect of the one
they love by doing so. Allowing anger to implode chronically
over long term, can also be a big contributor of physical
illness and disease.
People who explode with their anger do things outwardly.
They have a tendency to react outwardly with violent
behavior by breaking things, saying hurtful things, yelling,
and even putting holes in walls. This is also an
ineffective method for controlling anger. Explosive
anger is almost always destructive in one way or another.
What ends up happening is that the one exploding usually
isn't very proud of their behavior and as a result becomes
depressed and disappointed in themselves. Their internal
self-talk is usually also very destructive and
self-defeating, causing only more anger at themselves.
There are right ways and a wrong ways when controlling
anger. Both ways, imploding and exploding, are not healthy
ways in dealing with anger.
One thing you must understand is that anger is not wrong!
Anger is a normal human emotion. It is rather what we do
with it that matters! There are better ways for controlling
anger that are more productive. These ways can produce
greater respect for yourself and others.
When controlling anger, ask yourself the following
questions...
Why am I angry? - Give a clear answer to
this question. There are legitimate reasons for anger. Make
sure they exist before allowing yourself to become angry.
Many times people become angry over something they
assume. Their imagination gets the best of them and
they imagine all sort of things that could go wrong. They
become angry over something that has not happened yet. This
is not a legitimate reason for being angry. Make sure that
if you are angry, it is because your anger is based on
something real that actually happened and not based on
your imagination.
Is my behavior justified? - The truth
is that there is no excuse for behaving badly. When people
are angry, they feel they are justified in that bad
behavior. People usually become critical of others when
they are angry. They have a tendency to become violent in
their actions or words. It is not uncommon for people who
are angry to belittle the one they are angry at. Some
people use their anger as a reason for revenge. The truth
is, there is no reason for bad behavior. You can be angry
and express this anger in a way that produces respect. You
will never get respect when you are yelling, name calling,
hitting or breaking things. Controlling your anger in a
productive way will produce better results and you will
gain more respect from others around you as a result.
What actions can I take to resolve this
situation?
Using healthy methods for confrontation is important to
resolve situations by first letting the other person know
you are angry. You can do this without all the extra drama.
Believe it or not, you can relieve your anger by sharing how
you feel in a respectful way. Everyone owes it to themselves
to be honest about their feelings. You can always do this
respectfully and without bad behavior.
There are times when we cannot resolve a matter. In this
case, it's a matter of allowing yourself to decompress by
looking at things realistically. Give yourself permission to
let go and forgive. Turn your anger into compassion by
feeling sorry for others. God only knows what struggles
other people are facing. We can never understand why people
do some of the things they do and that is why we cannot
judge one another. Vent to a friend and then put things into
proper perspective. Many times you can resolve a situation
by confronting the one that has angered you. Believe it or
not, you can be angry and not be hurtful to yourself or
another. Instead, confront the situation knowing you are
doing what is healthy for you. As uncomfortable as things
may feel, by confronting a situation, you are building your
self-confidence as well as decompressing your anger. Even if
the other person does not want to recognize what you are
saying, by letting them know how you feel is enough to
release your anger. For many, doing this produces a lot of
anxiety. It is important when confronting another, to use
your skills. Using your positive self-talk, breathing
skills, and by exercising beforehand really helps.
Breaking the Habit of Reacting Badly
People with explosive tempers have a habit of reacting badly to others when
angry. Most of the times their behavior is so immediate and they don't allow
themselves much time to think about their behavior. It seems automatic as though
they don't have any control over their emotions. Well, the truth of the matter
is that we all have a choice as to how we will react. People who react badly
simply give themselves permission to do so. Creating a new habit when it comes
to controlling anger, takes time and practice. It takes courage to break the old
habit and be willing to do things differently.
The Anger and Anxiety Connection
It's not uncommon for people suffering with anxiety to also have issues with
anger. Anger and anxiety usually go hand in hand. It isn't usually easily
recognized because we usually see them as two separate entities but they have
more in common than you will ever know. When anger is not based on something
real that has happened, it is usually based on an anxious mind. Usually fear of
an impending doom or just the mistrust of others. It is not uncommon for
pessimistic people to become angry about their fears and worries.
For more information on controlling anger and aggression,
there is a section in Tom G. Stevens' FREE online book
called "Overcome
Anger and Aggression" that will help you learn more
about breaking this destructive cycle.
Return from Controlling Anger to Emotional Wellness
Sound-Mind.Org Homepage
|
