Perfectionism:
Self-Defeating and Unhealthy
People who struggle with perfectionism have a difficult time with
many things in life. It is the very reason for the anxiety and
depression that many people feel. It is important to note that it
has also been linked to anxiety disorders (including Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder), depressive disorders, eating disorders,
alcoholism and many other destructive behaviors and problems.
Perfectionists are extremely hard workers. In fact, they are known for
their great abilities. They are usually great achievers and they
usually accomplish more than the average person. Give them a job
to do, and they will go above and beyond what the average person
would do. They will impress you with their generosity and their
successes in life as they push for perfection in everything they
do.
Don't be mistaken. A perfectionist is more than a person who
works hard to do a good job, they are extremely hard on
themselves in everything they do. The average person works hard
and if they see something that isn't perfect, they leave it
alone and accept it as is. The perfectionist, many times, will
start over from the beginning until they get it right.
Their internal dialogue is one that pushes them to excel.
They have high expectations of themselves and others, and most
of these times their expectations are unrealistic.
They secretly believe they must do things perfectly. They are
usually very disappointed and upset with themselves when things
don't meet their expectations.
Failure is also not an option. The fear of failure is what
keeps them motivated and working hard. If at any time, they
believe that failure is a possibility, they have a tendency to
avoid those things. Many times these people don't finish
personal jobs they start because deep down they are afraid that
the outcome will be as they wanted.
Perfectionists usually come from homes where they have overly
critical parents or caregivers. Being around overly demanding
and overly critical adults as a child, only creates adults that
are overly critical and perfectionistic . This is a learned
behavior that becomes a bad habit later on in life.
These people are also people that are capable of seeing the
smallest details of imperfection when the average person would
not notice them. They look at things as though they are looking
at them under a magnifying glass. They are easily irritated by
the smallest imperfections, especially when it comes to work
they did themselves. The average person doesn't even pay
attention to those kind of details.
For them, there is usually a great amount of stress, anxiety,
and frustration when things don't go as planned.
How do you overcome perfectionism?
Overcoming this bad habit takes time and patience. It's
important to note that when a person is trying to overcome this,
it's normal and expected to have more anxiety at first.
Being a perfectionist is a bad habit. It takes a lot of hard
work and determination to break it.
Challenge Your Thoughts
Write down your thoughts, especially the most self-critical
ones. Use the questions listed under the positive thinking page
to challenge your perfectionistic ideas. Without challenging
your thoughts, you are accepting them as is and will not
succeed. This sounds easy, but it's not. It takes real hard work
to break this habit.
Give Yourself Permission
Practice giving yourself permission to be less than perfect.
By giving yourself permission you are releasing the pressure to
be perfect. Your performance anxiety is then dwindled and
limited. Give yourself permission to fail. Many people have
tried different things and have failed. Don't allow your fear of
failure stop you from trying something new. Remember that no one
is perfect!
Keep Realistic Expectations
Turn your unreal expectations of yourself and others into
realistic ones. It is not realistic to expect perfection from
anyone, not even yourself. by holding onto unrealistic
expectations, you are only setting yourself up for
disappointment and frustration. By lowing your expectations to a
more realistic level, you will feel much better and less stress
when something doesn't happen exactly the way you wanted it to.
Affirmations To Combat Perfectionism
I am not perfect. Nobody is
perfect.
I don't have to be perfect. My
best is good enough.
I accept the way I am.
If things don't go the way I
want, it's okay, I accept that.
No one is perfect. It's okay to
make mistakes.
Even if I don't succeed, it's
okay, what matters is that I try my best.
It's important to note that your affirmations can be
anything. It's best to use affirmations based on your personal
self-talk. If you don't know what the thoughts are that go on in
your mind that are critical and self-defeating then take time to
journal! Remember journaling is an effective way to get in touch
with what's going on in our minds. Journaling your thoughts
helps to identify unrealistic thought.
Practice accepting those things that you can't change!
Recommended Reading
Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control
by Jeannette Dewyze and Allan Mallinger
Return from Perfectionism to List Of Human Emotions
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