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Thoughts That Change You

by Rahul Das
(durgapur,westbengal,India)

Well nothing in life is permanent and the most tragic effects of having anxiety and agoraphobia is silly thoughts like...'I will never get out of this’, ‘I will always remain in this cycle'...This is natural because by birth you are not like this...you acquired it and your mind is the reason of your own suffering not your body. You are absolutely fine. You always want to be the other guys/gals who you see are leading a normal life and you don’t. I used to be suffering from agoraphobia right after completing the Master’s Degree and it has been 7 months when I found that life for me is becoming tougher. I started fearing to travel through public transport, eating in restaurants and all day and night I was in a cycle of dreadful thoughts continuously imagining myself in those situations. I started accepting myself helpless and started depending on others. Depersonalization started gulping me. I lost interest in all social functions and started feeling detached.

But where the hell have I gone....always trying to find the old 'me' but I never gave up unlike other phobiacs and did not take for granted that I'll live my life like this. I didn’t restrict myself to home and started carrying on with normal work...though it feel tougher....'They who say it is impossible to win over agoraphobia are the biggest jackass. You always have choices!
Meanwhile I got a job in New Delhi and I have no choices left but to go. Remember nothing is more important than your life. Phobia are part of "demons" that try to put a brake...if you stop yourself more time will be needed to get out of this. This is like..."if you don’t do your homework regularly then you will fail and if you fail it will take time to get to the next level...but do you feel that you will never able to get to the next level". See there is always a way...lately or quickly you will achieve it.
Traveling through the public transport started to be the scariest experiences for me....the problems started in the following order:
1. Unable to travel by public transports.
After few months I found:
2. Unable to eat anywhere outside the house/public places
and finally I found
3. I started to worry about these feelings all day/nights which showed me so many sleepless nights....
Agoraphobia triggers mainly when you are doing something or going somewhere which does not come into your so called "marked safe zone". You begin to feel those symptoms of racing heart, shortened breathe, butterfly stomach and dizziness whenever you are thinking so...
So who's the culprit...the assigned places which scares you or your so called "creative mind" which is creating such situations? You judge...?

I know because I have observed it very carefully rather than panicking over it when it strikes and now for me they have become jokes. I always know about them before they strike and say to myself, "now it’s show time and this will happen and approximately for so many minutes and now the result is that". Even the scariest phobia cannot scare me because they are quite predictable.
What happens to someone who always roars but never take any actions....
ANSWER> You will get scared for 1st time, 2nd time, 3rd time...for 99th times and in the 100th time you will catch the trick...will he roar again after finding that he has been predicted? You answer by yourself...now match the above situation with yourself...this is exactly what this so called phobia does...they depend on your fear, they need respect to grow and what the hell we do, we bid them respect.
The solution is to accept them and let them do what they want to do. Remember they are created by your imagination and imagination can never be real, real things can hurt you, not your imagination....
Do everything you like.....don’t stop yourself ....there is nothing called recovery...why should you try to recover when you have really nothing wrong? I won the battle....they come but I don’t realize now whether they are scaring me or not. Actually I don’t bother because they are nothing.
Lead your normal life. Time is a great healer, only it can make the difference.
Don’t take medicine because if you do take it, you are taking it for nothing. Accept the pain and win because humans are the most complex organisms.
I now play football, chat with friends; go shopping which was very tough for me earlier.
Everything happens for a reason and phobias and anxieties are all reasonless'.
Best of luck…. If I can, all of you surely can. Take up the struggle.
Accept the anxiety and phobias and all the symptoms as your friends which is helping you to know about it closely. The more frequently they occur the more your body is getting accustomed to that and it loosens its grip.
Anxieties are all habits which we develop and like all habits they can be reversed if you take steps rather than accepting it sitting in a shell. So come on....let’s do it... we are all the same and we are one step short of winning.

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