Too much to handle
Hi, I am a 53 old female that has taken too much on her plate and my body has now crashed. I feel so condemned being a Christian one should not allow the mind and body overrule the spirit but I am finding it very difficult to get my spirit govern my mind and soul
I've been through a very traumatic 2 years. Whilst my husband worked in another country my brother passed away due to cancer. I was alone, I could not ask my parents for support because they were also grieving. I started telling myself that I will also get cancer and imagined all the worst things that could happen to me.
To keep my mind occupied I started to occupy myself with a lot of things. I started serving on the different organizations (not Christian) and over committed myself with even church activities volunteering for everything.
This year started with my father contracting pneumonia whilst my youngest brother was overseas. Doctors told me that my father would not make it. But he did. We decided to move my parents to a retirement home close to my house (which of course brought its own stressors - my dad could not understand why we are moving them from their home).
Meanwhile I still overcommitted myself going on 2 outreaches to another country. This also brought its own stress because of the spiritual warfare.
In between the 2 outreaches my father fell and broke his hip. Once again the doctor told us he will not make it due to his age (82). It took months of therapy and hours spending time with him, be he recovered (albeit that he is less mobile now)
My body just gave in, I contracted the Swine Flu and was hospitalized. it has taken almost 3 months now to recover from the Swine Flu. Through the hospitalization doctors realized that I have high blood pressure. They have been trying to get it under control, but I think that the stress I am experiencing is not helping with this. I feel and overreact on everything little pain and think that "this is it" - I am going to die.
I have lost the drive to do anything, don't even visit my parents that often anymore and cannot get myself to attend anything. We have a few functions coming up for year-end and each one seems to be like a mountain in front of me. I start having irrational thoughts on I will die when attend or loose my mind whilst being at the function.
To make all things worse my youngest brother is immigrating at the end of December - so all my support I have for my parents will be gone. and before that I have to take a 2 hours flight to another town for a tournament my son is going take part in. Between crying, thinking irrational thought and not being able to concentrate on my work I have become useless.
I tried to speak to my husband but he just says - address your mountain. Tried to speak to our church's intercessor be she just shrugged and did not even help me.
I find it so difficult to focus on God and his promises when my mind is totally out of control and I cannot capture it, I cannot focus on reading the bible, listening to Christian music, or watching a Christian channel on tv !
where do I start in building my faith again?
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