My fight

by Ciaran Anthony
(London, England)

In 2000 I started to have Panic Attacks that led to a constant anxiety, I had all the effects of severe anxiety, unreality, constantly scared, lack of appetite, no sex drive....a living nightmare. It took me about a year to get things under control, my docs put me on Citalopram and 11 years later I am still on them.

Over the years I have been ok, I have had a few boughts of anxiety but managed. Just before Christmas I was told my girlfriend of 17 years had an affair in the summer of 2010. After 2 months of rowing and anger and hurt I was in bed one night about six weeks ago when I got that old feeling of dread, the anxiety kicked in and I have it everyday. It is worse in the morning when I wake up and eases a bit later in the evening.

Two weeks ago I went to see my doctor and he advised me to double my tablets to 40MG, he also refered me to a councillor. I know I need therapy (CBT) and I am going to attend his clinic next week and ask that he refers me to one. I am doing things different, I have lost one and a half stone in weight, mainly due to lack of appetite and changing my diet, I walk everyday and jog for a bit, I joined my local gym too...these are very hard things to do while suffering anxiety but I must do it. I recently lost my job and had to sell of my camera equipment (I was a Photographer) and I'm now looking for regular work.

What we all suffer is a Fight...it's a fight to overcome the way we feel, we are not alone. There are millions of people just like us that fight this everyday. Remember...it's temporary and it will pass, keep going and you will see a brighter day.

Love to all of you and I hope you recover very soon.

Ciaran Anthony.