18 Hours in of Worry and Counting

by Anthony

I am doing everything I think I need to be doing, Im changing my negative thoughts to positive, Im accepting anxiety and it floats away. But what can I do with painful worry that seems to have no origin? It usually comes around when I desperately need to be productive. Im not quite sure if there was a thought or not, but I just keep worrying and worrying, looking for that original worry so I can meet it with truth but there's nothing there and the wheel keeps spinning out of control until Im in so much pain I cant take it anymore and start to panic. Maybe a thought came that I was not aware of and searching for it is driving me insane, Im not quite sure. Or Im looking for a way to avoid the much needed studying that needs to be done. For example the day started wonderful, I actually woke up feeling good and with positive thought knowing I needed to study alot. I started studying later than I would have liked knowing I really needed to comprehend tons of biology that Im very worried about, and blam! I was worrying while trying to study. I figured doing the anxious, worry provoking task would ease my concerns however that wasnt the case. I worried myself til I could hardly comprehend, the very thing I was worried about happening, happened. Maybe that was my original worry, not being able to comprehend and learn it all, I dont know, this struggle to find and get my life back is incredibly hard, I dont know if doing one thing is screwing up the other, it gets terribly confusing and all my shrink can say is, "thats just how you're wired." Well Im sorry but that just doesnt help. What am I doing wrong? These painful obsessive worries are torturing me, and when I cant seem to find what Im worried about its ten fold.

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