Bad thoughts that just happen out of nowhere
I'm a 25 year old mother who recently started to experience bad thoughts. I don't know where these thoughts came from, but are they are now beginning to affect my day to day life.
Prior to having these awful thoughts I was a jovial young lady. Now I have no interest in doing anything because I believe these thoughts are taking over my life. I have thoughts of someone hurting my child in which the manner I was hurt. I have never told anyone about what was done to me as a child and until recently suppressed. I was molested and never had the nerve to tell my mother or anyone for that matter - afraid of judgement and embrasment. I woke up this morning googling how to stop these bad thoughts and found this blog and just admitted to a bunch of strangers that I was molested. As write I'm shaking because that has taken me twenty-five years to admit. Knowing that I would never and I mean "never" hurt my child in the same way that person hurt me, I have thoughts of someone doing the same to her. I started to feel as if I am losing my mind. I have a very strong faith and pray daily and ask God to guide me and remove this "demon" of depression sorrow and hurt. I work with children and until recently loved my job, now I hate it. I want the day to go by quickly and I no longer interact with the kids. These thoughts are driving me crazy. I am to speak to a counselor on Monday and I'm terribly afraid. I shake all the time - I'm just afraid. I would like to get back to myself but I'm unsure what to do and feeling like this is how I will be for the rest of my life which is scary to me. Because I feel as though these feelings just creep up on me and are now dominating my life. Can someone give me sound advice as how to deal. I have never had to take medication but afraid that I will. I am mother, daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend, and I need to get back to being those things quick. Please keep me uplifted in prayer.