Horrible Thoughts


Hi, just to let you know, you are not alone! I have suffered from these thoughts too. I lost my mam when she was only 46 and I did not notice that is when my OCD started. 7 years later, I started obsessing with my husband past and I used to have images of him with other women. Then it started to get thoughts about my dad and that's when I started thinking that I wished he was dead. These thoughts give me panic attacks and I ended up going to my general practitioner and he put me on PROZAC 20MG. I was on these for a few years and also had counseling. Everything was fine for a few years and then to my surprise, I was stressed at work and I could feel myself starting to panic. I was afraid these thoughts would come back- I made them come back by worrying about them so much that I could not cope. I tried to replace the death thoughts about my dad to myself - I would wish myself dead instead of my dad as I knew I did not want to die. But now I think this thought everyday and it really upsets me, as I ask myself, "what if I really do want to die?", and my body goes into a panic and it makes me cry as this has now become, what my general practitioner says is instructive thought. I have gone back on my meds to try and help with the anxiety so, what was supposed to be a replacement thought, turned out to be an instructive thought that has ruined my life.

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Nov 19, 2014
re: horrible thoughts
by: Susan

Hi Lesley,

It sounds like you picked a "not so good" replacement thought for your original scary thought.

You may find comfort in changing your thoughts to more realistic ones -- such as, "I do not want to die.", " I do not want my dad to die." "I want to live." " I am only afraid that these thoughts will become true, but they are not."

It is important to repeat the positive, truthful thoughts to yourself when finding replacement thoughts... replace the bad with the good!

I hope you are encouraged as you move forward in your recovery.
~ Susan

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