Loss

by Teresa
(MA)

Why is it that I have more panic and anxiety around the same time of year, when I have lost my Child and other loved ones? Why do these times of year seem to have more pain and more new worries added to my life? Why when I help someone I love try to get through anxiety, panic and real worries, I get more anxiety and panic myself?

Reply from Sound-Mind.org
Hello Teresa,
When we suffer the loss of a loved one or have been through any other tragic experience, our minds hold tightly to that memory. The pain we felt, the feelings and thoughts we had at that time are fine tuned and detailed like no other. It is not uncommon, especially around the same time each year, to suffer the same thoughts/feelings as we did when it first happened. Our minds remember as if it were yesterday and our bodies too. When we remember, whether good or bad memories, it effects our body as if it is happening again. So, if we remember sad and unhappy times, we quickly experience those same body symptoms we did from our original experience. Same holds true when we remember happy, joyful times. Our bodies always feel the effects of what we are thinking and what we believe about others or ourselves.

As for the new pain and new worries that have followed, I am sure the experience of your loss and the pain that you have endured, you are undoubedly afraid of losing others or having the same experience repeat itself with someone else. Death is such an emotionally hard experience to endure.

When trying to help others overcome their anxiety and panic - it could be that because you remember what it's like and how horrible it is, you are afraid they will suffer just as you have. When we care about other people, especially our loved ones, the last thing we want is to see them suffer, especially with something we understand so well. Although we can always share our wisdom and experience with others, we can never give them enough understanding to know exactly what we wish for them to know. Therefore, at some point, we must remember that everyone has their own journey in this life and they will have to learn many things through personal experience in order to relate & understand completely. Most of this requires you to trust and have faith that as you learned, they too will also learn.

I want to encourage you to find a support group for grief and loss. Through this, you will be in touch with others who have experienced the same as you. You will be able to talk with them in a way that is easily understood and you will be able to identify with them like no other. You will also get the chance to encourage while being encouraged yourself.

Hang in there & remember One Day at a Time.
~Susan