OCD and Intrusive thoughts on incest


I dont really know how to start. I have been suffering from a mild form of anxiety for most of my life, but it was only in my 20s (I am 24 now) that it exploded into what I have realized maybe OCD. Of course, there was the typical fear of not having locked the door or having left the tap running but fortunately, I have been able to cope with those. What leaves me a complete emotional wreck are the intrusive thoughts, every time I feel like I am finally at peace my anxiety will pull up another bunch of thoughts that seem to be even harder to refute than the last. When I was in my teens I accidentally stumbled on some incest erotica. I wasn't looking for the genre but just came across it in another category. I read it and was oddly titillated but it wasn't because of the relationship between the two people, that never even entered my mind, I think I just blocked that part out and made them two strangers or something because i never even acknowledged that it was incest, to me it was just sex. For years this instance never bothered me until my latent anxiety bloomed into full-fledged Pure O OCD (I think that is what it is called). Every new intrusive thought is harder to deal with and this by far is the most difficult. I keep telling myself that I am not interested in incest. It makes me sick to think about it but my brain keep bringing up what i read, that didn't make me sick, so what does that say about me as a person? How can I accept something that is so awful and based on something I actually did, what if I really don't think it is wrong, what if I am a monster?

It all snow balls and soon I feel like I shouldn't be with other people at all, they deserve someone who is healthy and normal just like they are and i feel like isolating myself. I have an incredibly loving family which makes me feel even worse since I feel like I am letting them down. I am trying to deal with my OCD in a constructive way by channeling my energies, practicing mindfulness and trying to distance myself from my thoughts but every stumbling block I hit makes me fall that little bit harder and there are time I don't feel like i even deserve to get up because what I fear it true. What should I do?

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Dec 28, 2017
by: Steph

The fear of the possibility of incest is whats happening here..you have to stop being afraid of the thoughts of incest ..sure its morally corrupt but you are giving the idea too much importance. When the intrusive thought happens allow yourself to think it then finish thinking it and move on..the less you fear the intrusive thought..the quicker it will disappear and the thoughts cease to occur. The fear of the thought has you obsessing over it and your brain sees it as a threat hence you start to see yourself as a threat..looking at it like its of no concern will get you over it

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