Afraid of developing DID/MPD...

by Angelique
(New Jersey, USA)

Well, I've been living alone for the past year or so and it has been extremely difficult. I'm currently in college and living in an apartment over 2,000 miles away from my family and friends. I've always been a bit on edge, even as a child; my family is pretty loud and exciting, and maybe it has to do with genes or something, but that's never been me. I've always been the type that would rather stay at home and read a book or draw than go out and party, despite my upbringing.
Anyway, I thought that living alone would be fine, since I was used to solitude anyway. However, I've found that I've been more stressed in the past year than I've been in my entire life. Besides going to school, I stay at home most of the day. To go out to a restaurant and eat by myself is kind of pathetic...and it doesn't help I'm painfully shy when it comes to making friends. Because of this, I've been struggling with derealization/depersonalization, as well as intrusive thoughts, and now a bit of agorophobia. One intrusive thought that has stayed with me the most is the fear of developing dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder. Logically, I know this is pretty much impossible, since this kind of dissociative disorder almost always occurs to young children going through extremely traumatic events. However, the thought crosses my mind about once every minute and it terrifies me!
You mentioned thinking positively and thought stopping, but I've found it to be a lot more difficult than it seems. For instance, when I'm in class, I'll sit there just fine and randomly feel a panic attack coming on, and a rush of anxious thoughts. I try to stop each thought with a positive affirmation, but I guess I lack the willpower, and become mentally exhausted to where I just give up. Other times, I've found your advice to be very useful, especially when I'm riding the bus home. I don't know...I just feel so lost and I don't know what to do anymore.
Thank you so much for reading this, and thank you for this website. :)

🌿 Share the Hope

If this article encouraged you, please consider sharing it with a friend, family member, or anyone who may be struggling today. Sometimes a single article can be the reminder someone needs that they are not alone.