(London, United Kingdom )
Can u believe I am like this?
I feel like such a loser now but I need to say something! Basically I used to have social anxiety disorder ( I overcame it last year) . My problem now is that I'm kind of a bitter person now and I've experienced some self hate. Sometimes when I see my old friends happy, I feel envious or upset. I just feel like when they left me, that was the good choice because they have more friends and talk to a lot of people . I JUST FEEL A SENSE OF NEGATIVITY WHEN I SEE PEOPLE MY AGE *14* hanging out with their friends and I just feel so ungrateful. I mean I have friends but I'm probably the most confident person in my group and I only have 3 other friends but 1 is almost always never there... And the other 2 just talk about anime. I just need that one bestfriend who comes to my house and goes to the cinemas with me and is there with me.. :'( I almost always have emotional break downs. I'm seen as one of the happiest people in my year but at home I cry sometimes for no reason and I always look for quotes about finding friends ... I don't know anymore... I feel like such an idiot. If death wasn't so scary and killing yourself wasn't so painful... I believe I would be dead by now. SUICIDE. I think I might be bipolar or have some attention seeking disorder. Because I desire proper bestfriends... I don't even have a social life at school let alone outside much . I always see pictures of people in my school in my year (grade) who are with their friends and I find my brain thinking I want those friends but I sometimes tell my brain to shut up...