Friendship losses

by Lucky
(London, United Kingdom )

Can u believe I am like this?

Can u believe I am like this?

I feel like such a loser now but I need to say something! Basically I used to have social anxiety disorder ( I overcame it last year) . My problem now is that I'm kind of a bitter person now and I've experienced some self hate. Sometimes when I see my old friends happy, I feel envious or upset. I just feel like when they left me, that was the good choice because they have more friends and talk to a lot of people . I JUST FEEL A SENSE OF NEGATIVITY WHEN I SEE PEOPLE MY AGE *14* hanging out with their friends and I just feel so ungrateful. I mean I have friends but I'm probably the most confident person in my group and I only have 3 other friends but 1 is almost always never there... And the other 2 just talk about anime. I just need that one bestfriend who comes to my house and goes to the cinemas with me and is there with me.. :'( I almost always have emotional break downs. I'm seen as one of the happiest people in my year but at home I cry sometimes for no reason and I always look for quotes about finding friends ... I don't know anymore... I feel like such an idiot. If death wasn't so scary and killing yourself wasn't so painful... I believe I would be dead by now. SUICIDE. I think I might be bipolar or have some attention seeking disorder. Because I desire proper bestfriends... I don't even have a social life at school let alone outside much . I always see pictures of people in my school in my year (grade) who are with their friends and I find my brain thinking I want those friends but I sometimes tell my brain to shut up...

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Dec 14, 2015
 Hello there!!!
by: Rob

I read your story and I'm glad your starting to improve and u no longer have beg thoughts I was in nice there just like you and finding this site helped me a lot so I wish you the best in life always keep your head up 😊
Oct 16, 2015
 Thank you.
by: Lucky

Thanks a lot for the advice. I've tried and made some progress. I no longer have the negative feelings, i believe that is the first step as well! From now on, I'll be happy with what I've got and whatever opportunities that I recieve or see I'll try and take. I've also built up self confidence. So definitely, also the suicidal thoughts are out of my head, I think there's more to life... Something I can do. :D
Oct 15, 2015
by: Susan

Hello Lucky,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry to hear about your friendship losses. In life it is common to make friends, lose friends, and even have times in our life when perhaps we don't have any friends at all... I know it is frustrating for you right now -- the bitterness, envy,& negative feelings that you are holding onto will never bring you anything good. In fact, they can sabotage your ability to create a good circle of friends for yourself. First, let go of that bitterness, envy & negative feelings... what good do they bring you? It is best for you to start with a clean slate, free of those damaging emotions. Second, NEVER, EVER think that suicide is an option! Painful or not... killing yourself would just bring more pain and agony to your loved ones... it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Losing your friends is never a reason to end your life. Third, talk to someone about how you are feeling. Sometimes it helps to have someone we can talk to, face to face. Believe it or not, many people have been where you are and have overcome their dilemma -- you can, too! Hating yourself isn't healthy for you... you are here for a reason! I don't know about you but I believe in a God who gives purpose & plan to your life. Do you not have the ability to bring good to this life? Of course you do - we all do! We were all born with gifts and talents that can help make this world a better place. Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do! Take time each day to list all in your life that is good, I am sure if you look, you will find many things. To be a friend, you need to FIRST be a friend to YOURSELF! So I suggest that you take some time to just encourage yourself. The best thing you can do to combat your negative self-talk is to change what you are saying to yourself. You don't have to accept all that negative thinking as part of who you are... instead, you can tell yourself good things, positive things, truthful things... negative things happen to everyone... the trick is to remember that things will not always be this way --- hold onto hope! One way you can turn this around is by friending those who you see that are in the same situation... if you see someone who needs a friend, then be a friend to them. PLEASE, talk to an adult that you trust about how you are feeling!

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