How To Build Self-Confidence - Step 8 Building self-confidence through times of stress, anxiety and panic.

• How You See Yourself (which is your self-image)
• How You Feel About Yourself (which is your self-esteem)
• How Much You Believe In Your Own Ability To Do Certain Things (which is your self-confidence)

No matter what your level of self-confidence is today, you can still learn how to build it. It's never too late to develop greater confidence in yourself and your abilities. Unlike your self-image and self-esteem, your self-confidence is earned through hard work, determination, and experience. It is ONLY through stepping out, taking risks, and trying new things that you can build your self-confidence. As your self-confidence grows, you will likely notice that the way you see yourself and feel about yourself begins to improve as well.

A healthy level of self-confidence is especially important when overcoming anxiety, panic, as well as challenges such as specific phobias and agoraphobia. It is ONLY through doing the work and experiencing small successes along the way that self-confidence grows. Healthy self-talk is an important part of the process, but self-talk alone will not build lasting self-confidence. Your mind must eventually see evidence that you can do the things you once believed you couldn't. Confidence grows when your words are followed by action, and every small success becomes proof that you are capable of doing more than you may have believed.

What if you don't have a healthy level of self-confidence?

If your self-confidence is low and you feel you cannot do what is necessary to overcome these challenges, it's important to press forward regardless of how you feel. With each step you take in the right direction, you will gradually increase your self-confidence, and as you persist, it will become easier and easier to face the more difficult challenges ahead. Begin with baby steps in the direction you want to go, and gradually increase those steps as your confidence grows. Many people never challenge themselves because they fear failure. Believe it or not, however, some people are actually held back by a fear of success. You may wonder why anyone would be afraid of success, but sometimes that fear comes from the greater responsibility or life changes that success can bring. Either way, fear should never be the deciding factor in your choices. It is better to make decisions based on what you truly want for yourself and your life.

Building self-confidence takes hard work, patience, and determination. Our self-confidence, whether healthy or unhealthy, develops over time and is often based on the perception we have of our own abilities. Many times, we allow the opinions of others to have a negative and unrealistic influence on how we see ourselves. While it is natural to care about what other people think, your self-confidence should never be built upon their opinions. Instead, it should be built upon your own honest assessment of your growth, your abilities, and your willingness to keep moving forward.

Tips and Strategies on How to Build Self-Confidence

• Plan for Your Success - Sit down and take the time to plan out the necessary steps you will need to take to reach your goal. You can do this by creating a checklist if you want. It's also important to include a backup plan just in case your original plan doesn't work. By taking the time to plan, you are working through potential problems before they happen and developing solutions that will help you work around those problems. This helps you stay realistic, prepared, and motivated when things don't go exactly as you expect.


• Visualize Your Success - A little visualization goes a long way! Use your visualization skills to help you see yourself walking through each of your planned steps. Imagine yourself coming up against potential problems, then visualize yourself solving those problems in a peaceful, confident way. By visualizing success, you are preparing your mind to do what is necessary in order to be successful.


• Spot Your Negative Thinking - Pay attention to your thought life. Spot your most self-defeating thoughts. By recognizing them ahead of time, you will be better able to put those negative thoughts in their proper place when they arrive...the trash! Use positive thinking and self-talk techniques to keep your thoughts moving in the right direction. Write down your positive thoughts on paper ahead of time and post them where you will see them often and be reminded. It is easy to feel defeated when you are learning how to build self-confidence. How you talk to yourself is an extremely important part of the process of developing healthy self-confidence. Remember, a pessimist, a cynic, or a consistently negative thinker will struggle to succeed because they have already convinced themselves they cannot.


• Commit Yourself to Your Own Goals - Make a serious commitment to do everything in your own power to succeed. Remind yourself that you cannot succeed without some challenge and discomfort. Change doesn't come easily and is difficult for many people. Things of real value take time. So promise yourself that you won't give up. The reward of self-confidence is well worth the effort it takes to reach your goals. Be patient with yourself.


• Keep Realistic Expectations - Stay realistic and emotionally balanced. The key to healthy self-confidence is remembering that just as low self-confidence isn't healthy, overconfidence can also set a person up for disappointment. Try to keep your expectations realistic and balanced by reminding yourself that you are human. Perfectionism is not a healthy goal! Admit when you make mistakes. When you hide from them, you only sabotage your success. Remember, what you believe about yourself matters more than what anyone else thinks.


• Take Baby Steps - Start by taking small steps toward your goal. These small steps lead to small successes. It is these small successes that help your self-confidence grow. As it grows, you will become more willing to take bigger steps. Success begins with one small step and leads to leaps and bounds if you keep moving forward. Learn how to build self-confidence one step at a time!


• Choose to Believe in Yourself - Even if you don't feel confident, it's important to choose to believe in yourself anyway. Belief is not a feeling but a deliberate choice we all need to make in order to be successful at anything. Without belief, we often don't even try. Do not sabotage your own success by constantly reminding yourself why you can't do something. If you believe you can't, then you probably won't. Encourage yourself and give yourself credit for everything you accomplish, even the smallest victories.


• Reward Yourself - Celebrate and reward your successes. When you succeed, it's important to recognize it. You would easily give someone else credit for their accomplishments, so why not do the same for yourself? Learning how to build self-confidence means learning how to give yourself credit when credit is due!


• Use Positive Thought Replacement and Affirmations - Self-confidence relies on both our thinking and our actions. It grows when we remind ourselves of past successes and encourage ourselves after setbacks. So affirm and encourage yourself often! A little encouragement goes a long way. No matter how tempted you are, don't rely entirely on the encouragement of others to get you through. Outside encouragement is always a blessing, but it is far more important that your primary source of encouragement comes from within.

Steps That Teach Us How To Build Self-Confidence

Encourage Yourself - By encouraging yourself, you work against your internal negative self-dialogue. Believe it or not, encourage others too. Look for every opportunity to keep the affirmations going. This helps create a healthy habit and reinforces the positive truths you are learning about yourself.

Try not to care so much about what other people think - When we care more about what others think instead of what we think—or what God thinks—we give the power of our self-image over to other people. Your worth should never be determined by someone else's opinion.

Disengage your own internal critical voice! - We can be our own worst enemy. When you notice yourself thinking negatively about yourself or your abilities—whether about the past, present, or future—it is extremely important to begin positive, truthful self-talk immediately. The sooner you recognize your negative thinking, the sooner you can begin to correct it.

Imagine "Mission Accomplished"! - Close your eyes and imagine the situation as if you have already accomplished it. Visualize yourself being successful! Mental rehearsal can help your mind become more familiar with situations that currently feel intimidating. Imagine yourself handling challenges calmly, confidently, and realistically as you move toward your goal.

"Fake it till you make it" - This definitely does not mean denying the truth or lying to yourself. Instead, it means choosing an attitude of confidence even before you fully feel it. Even if you are not exactly where you want to be, respond to life as if success is possible. This mindset can have a tremendous impact on your willingness to keep moving forward. As you practice becoming the person you want to be, your new attitude and habits will begin to feel more natural over time.

Take Risks! - You will NEVER gain anything by doing nothing! Your life is up to you! You must be willing to fail before you can succeed at anything worthwhile. Sometimes it takes many attempts before becoming successful. Try not to see yourself as defeated. Instead, see yourself as someone with real potential, and then GET BUSY LIVING! Every time you fall, pick yourself back up, encourage yourself, learn from the experience, and begin again.

Be Persistent! - When you take risks and things do not turn out the way you hoped, take the time to encourage yourself and speak truth to yourself. Building self-confidence takes time. Whatever you do, be persistent and do not give up. When life pushes you, don't be afraid to push back! Keep getting back up and keep giving it your all. The only people who truly fail are those who quit. So don't quit!

Believing in yourself is a CHOICE. Our actions should reflect our choices. It is important to recognize that our feelings are often influenced by what we repeatedly tell ourselves along the way. Learning to effectively talk to yourself in a positive, truthful manner is a major key to growing in self-confidence. Choose to believe in yourself every day.

Affirm and Reaffirm Yourself to Build Self-Confidence

It is very important to encourage both yourself and others. As you know, working on yourself to overcome any obstacle takes a great deal of effort. Automatic negative thoughts often seem to come more easily when you are facing new challenges. It is easy to become discouraged when you have a particularly difficult day or experience a panic attack while facing a challenging situation. One thing that helps tremendously is taking time to encourage yourself along the way. You do this by reaffirming positive, truthful statements to yourself. If this does not come naturally, make a list of affirmations on paper and repeat them to yourself whenever you are having a difficult time.

Some Easy Affirmations to Remember

• I am healthy and strong.
• I am working hard to overcome my obstacles.
• If I panic, it means I am learning.
• A panic attack does not mean I am having a setback.
• I will be okay.
• I will do my best. My best is good enough.
• I will not always be suffering.
• I am learning more and more every day.
• It's okay to have good days and bad days.
• I will overcome this!

Remember, this is an important step in building self-confidence. The more you practice encouraging yourself, the more your self-confidence will grow. Self-confidence begins in your mind, but it grows through ACTION!

Another way to encourage yourself is by writing an encouraging letter as though you were writing to someone else. Since it is often easier to encourage a friend than it is to encourage yourself, pretend you are writing a letter to someone you care about. Then read it aloud to yourself. You may be surprised by how encouraging your own words can be.

Look for ways to encourage other people. It is often easier to encourage someone else who is facing similar struggles than it is to encourage yourself. However, by encouraging other people, you are also reinforcing those same truths in your own mind. Whether you are speaking words of encouragement or writing them down for someone else, you are repeating healthy, truthful thinking to yourself. In many ways, you end up helping yourself without even realizing it.

Maybe you don't know anyone personally who is struggling with the same things you are facing. If that's the case, consider becoming involved in a supportive online community. There are forums, support groups, chat rooms, and online communities filled with people who understand what you are going through. They can easily be found by searching with Google® or your favorite search engine. Get involved, encourage others, and allow them to encourage you as well. You may be surprised at how much you learn—and grow—by helping someone else.

Additional Resources on How to Build Self Confidence

Tom G. Stevens, PhD offers a FREE ONLINE BOOK called "You Can Choose to be Happy". There is an entire section dedicated to building self-confidence and self-worth called DEVELOP GREATER SELF-WORTH AND SELF-CONFIDENCE that is extremely helpful.

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• 1. Understanding Anxiety
• 2. Journaling
• 3. Exercise
• 4. Diet and Mental Health
• 5. CBT
• 6. Stress Management
• 7. Self-Talk
• 8. Self-Confidence

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