Chapter 4 - Unraveling the Maze of Nervous Experiences

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What makes this chapter particularly interesting is the way Weekes connects these seemingly separate experiences. When fear and tension continue for a long time, the nervous system can become highly sensitized. Ordinary sensations, thoughts and emotions may then feel much stronger, stranger or more threatening than they once did.

Indecision: When Anxiety Makes Every Choice Feel Difficult

One of the first things Weekes explores in this chapter is something that may seem surprisingly simple: the difficulty of making decisions. When anxiety is running high, even ordinary choices can suddenly feel complicated. A decision that once would have required little thought may now lead to a stream of questions, doubts and imagined consequences.

Should I go? Should I stay home? What if I get there and cannot cope? What if I do not feel well? What if I want to leave? What if I make the wrong choice?

The problem is often not that you cannot make the decision. It is that you want to feel completely certain before you make it. You want to know how you will feel, what will happen and whether you will be able to cope. Anxiety, unfortunately, rarely provides that kind of certainty. Instead, the more you think about the decision, the more possibilities you may find to worry about.

This can become especially frustrating because the problem may not actually be the decision itself. The fear surrounding the decision can become the problem.

Perhaps there is somewhere you would genuinely like to go. Maybe there is something you want to accomplish. You think about doing it, but then your imagination begins producing fearful possibilities. What if you become anxious? What if you cannot enjoy yourself? What if you feel trapped? What if you need to leave?

Eventually, staying home may seem safer than facing the uncertainty.

Have you experienced this kind of indecision during a period of intense anxiety?

Ask yourself: How has anxiety affected your ability to make decisions? Have you postponed things you wanted to do because you were afraid of how you might feel once you got there?

Sometimes the question is not, "Which decision is the safest?" but rather, "Can I allow myself to make a decision without knowing exactly how I will feel?"

Suggestibility: When Fear Makes Outside Information Feel Personal

Another experience Weekes discusses is suggestibility — the tendency to become especially affected by frightening information when we are already anxious. When fear has put us on high alert, something we hear, read or see can suddenly feel much more personal and threatening than it would have before.

A story about an illness, an accident or something terrible happening to another person may stay in your mind long after you have heard it. You may begin wondering whether the same thing could happen to you, whether you might have the same illness, or whether something you have noticed in yourself is a warning sign.

You may hear about someone developing a serious illness and begin wondering whether you have the same illness. You may read about something frightening happening to someone else and begin wondering whether it could happen to you. You may start monitoring your body, checking symptoms or repeatedly thinking about the story in an attempt to reassure yourself that you are safe.

The frightening information can then become something you cannot seem to stop thinking about.

Why does a negative suggestion sometimes cling so strongly?

Part of the answer may be found in the very nature of the threat. When something represents the possibility of an outcome we desperately want to avoid, the anxious mind can become highly attentive to it. Instead of allowing the thought to pass, we may repeatedly examine it because we want to make absolutely certain that the feared thing will never happen.

This is one reason anxiety can make frightening stories, symptoms and possibilities feel so difficult to dismiss.

Have you ever noticed this in yourself? Did you hear about something happening to someone else and suddenly become afraid that the same thing could happen to you?

Did you find yourself checking, researching, comparing symptoms or thinking about it for days afterward?

Loss of Confidence: When Anxiety Makes You Distrust Yourself

When you are constantly questioning your decisions and becoming frightened by your own thoughts, sensations or things you hear from other people, something else can gradually begin to happen: you may stop trusting yourself.

This loss of confidence can be subtle at first. You may simply begin asking other people what you should do, avoiding decisions because you are afraid of getting them wrong, or assuming that your anxious feelings are telling you that you cannot cope.

Weekes connects this experience with the larger nervous pattern she describes. The more often fear makes you doubt yourself, the easier it can become to believe that you are less capable than you really are.

But there is an important difference between feeling unable to cope and actually being unable to cope.

Anxiety can make the first feeling so convincing that we forget there is a difference.

Think about how often fearful "what if" questions have influenced your decisions. What if I panic? What if I cannot get through it? What if I feel terrible? What if I embarrass myself? What if I cannot escape?

Each question may seem like a reasonable warning. But when they accumulate, they can create a wall between you and the life you want to live.

Your anxious feelings may then become evidence, in your mind, that you should not proceed.

Try asking yourself a different question:

If these fearful questions were not constantly running through your mind, what might you attempt? Where might you go? What might you accomplish?

Can you see how fear itself can contribute to the paralysis you are experiencing?

You may not be able to make the anxiety disappear before you move forward. The challenge may instead be learning that you can move forward while allowing the anxious feelings to be present.

Agitation: The Difficulty of Sitting With Anxiety

Anxiety does not always make us want to run away. Sometimes it makes it incredibly difficult simply to stay where we are. Weekes describes the kind of agitation that can develop when you are waiting, sitting still or finding yourself somewhere you cannot easily leave.

A doctor's waiting room, a grocery store, a line at the checkout or a crowded room may suddenly feel uncomfortable. You may become restless and impatient, not because anything is necessarily wrong with the situation, but because you are intensely aware of what is happening inside your body and are waiting for the anxiety to change.

There may be noise, movement, people, conversations and other stimulation happening around you. At the same time, you may already be intensely aware of everything happening inside yourself.

You may wonder how long you will have to remain there. You may think about leaving. You may become increasingly aware of your heartbeat, breathing, dizziness, tension or other sensations.

The feeling of being unable to escape immediately can add another layer of fear.

Instead of simply waiting in a doctor's office, you are now waiting while watching yourself, monitoring your symptoms and wondering how much longer you can tolerate the experience.

Have you ever noticed how much harder it can be to sit still when you are anxious?

Sometimes the agitation itself becomes something we fear. We want to get away from the feeling immediately, which can teach the anxious mind that the feeling must be dangerous.

Feelings of Unreality: When the World Begins to Feel Strange

Of all the experiences discussed in this chapter, feelings of unreality can be among the most frightening because they can make you question what is happening to you. You may look around at familiar surroundings and suddenly feel that something is different, distant or strangely unfamiliar. You may even feel detached from yourself.

If you have never experienced this before, it can be difficult to put into words. You know that the world has not actually changed, yet your experience of it feels completely different. That difference can be enough to trigger another wave of fear: What is happening to me?

You may feel detached from yourself or from the world around you. Familiar surroundings can suddenly seem strange or distant. You may feel as though you are watching yourself rather than fully participating in your own life.

Some people describe experiences associated with depersonalization or derealization. The experience itself can be difficult to describe, and because it feels so unfamiliar, the mind may immediately begin asking frightening questions.

Am I losing my mind?

Why does everything feel so strange?

What is happening to me?

Weekes' approach encourages us to understand these experiences in the context of nervous exhaustion, fear, heightened attention and withdrawal rather than immediately interpreting the strange feeling as proof that something catastrophic is happening.

When you have spent so much time monitoring yourself, your thoughts and your physical sensations, your attention can become increasingly turned inward. The outside world may receive less of your attention while your internal experience receives more and more.

This can also make ordinary conversations difficult. You may be listening to someone speak while simultaneously monitoring your thoughts, sensations and level of anxiety. Your concentration may suffer, and this can create even more concern.

Have you ever experienced feelings of unreality?

What was it like for you? Did you experience feelings of depersonalization or derealization? Did you become frightened by the unfamiliar sensation?

And perhaps most importantly: did understanding what was happening make the experience a little less frightening?

Sometimes learning that an experience has been described by others can provide an important sense of reassurance. The sensation may be strange and uncomfortable without necessarily meaning what your frightened mind tells you it means.

When Obsessive Thoughts Become Grotesque and Frightening

Sometimes an unwanted thought is not merely annoying — it can be shocking, disturbing and completely unlike anything you would ever want to think about. Weekes recognized that obsessive thoughts can sometimes take on bizarre or "grotesque" themes, making the person experiencing them afraid not only of the thought itself, but of what the thought might supposedly mean.

One of the most disturbing forms of obsessive thinking can involve thoughts that seem completely out of character. You may know with absolute certainty that you do not want the thought, yet it keeps returning.

This can be especially confusing and frightening. You may begin wondering why you had the thought in the first place, what it says about you, or whether the fact that it keeps returning somehow gives it greater meaning.

Why did I think that?

What if it means I secretly want it?

What if I lose control?

What if I do something I would never want to do?

These questions can create a vicious cycle of fear. You become frightened by the thought, then start checking, analyzing it, or going over it again and again in your mind, hoping you can finally feel certain that it does not mean anything.

When fear and mental exhaustion have been going on for a long time, an unwanted thought can begin to feel as though it has become stuck in your mind. You may try to push it away, solve it, understand it or reassure yourself about it, only to find yourself thinking about it even more.

Weekes' approach was to look at this kind of obsessive thinking in the context of fear and mental tiredness rather than assuming that every disturbing thought has some deep significance. She described obsessions as often having little deep-seated significance, instead viewing them as unwanted habits that can become established through fear and mental tiredness.

The natural reaction is often to fight the thought.

"I have to stop thinking about this."

"Why am I thinking this?"

"What does it mean that I thought this?"

But the harder you try to force a frightening thought out of your mind, the more attention you may give it. The thought can then become even more noticeable simply because you are constantly checking whether it is still there.

This is an important idea for someone who is terrified by the content of their own thoughts. A frightening thought can feel meaningful simply because it is frightening. But the fact that a thought shocks you, disgusts you or scares you does not automatically tell you what kind of person you are.

I have written more about this experience on Sound-Mind in Intrusive Thoughts About Hurting Someone: Understanding Anxiety, Obsessions & Fear.

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a frightening thought that you knew did not represent what you wanted?

Did you become afraid that you might somehow lose control and act on something you never wanted to do?

If this is happening to you now, you may find it helpful to read How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts, where we look at practical ways to begin breaking the cycle of fear and mental struggle surrounding unwanted thoughts.

When Nervous Exhaustion Begins to Affect Your Mood

By this point in the chapter, it becomes easier to understand why prolonged anxiety can leave a person feeling completely worn down. Imagine spending day after day questioning your decisions, monitoring your body, worrying about frightening thoughts, avoiding situations and wondering whether you will be able to cope.

Living in that state can be exhausting. Sleep may become difficult. Your mind may rarely feel quiet. Even ordinary activities can require an enormous amount of mental effort because part of your attention is always watching for the next sign of danger.

This is where Weekes' discussion of nervous exhaustion becomes important. She recognized that prolonged fear and tension can leave a person depleted, and that this exhaustion can affect motivation, confidence and mood.

Imagine living inside this cycle for months or even years.

Constant fear. Constant tension. Constant monitoring. Constant questioning. Difficulty sleeping. Difficulty making decisions. Fear of your own thoughts. Fear of your own sensations. Fear of going places. Fear of not being able to cope.

It can become exhausting.

You may lose motivation. You may withdraw from things you once enjoyed. You may begin to wonder whether you will ever feel normal again.

Depression can then become another part of the experience, particularly when you feel trapped inside a cycle that seems to have no end.

You may even become anxious about the anxiety itself:

"What if I never get better?"

"What if I am stuck like this forever?"

"What if this is just who I am now?"

These thoughts can make an already exhausted person feel even more discouraged.

But being deeply exhausted and frightened does not mean that your story has to end there.

Understanding the Maze Can Help You Find Your Way Out

When you look at all of these experiences separately, they can seem like a collection of unrelated problems. Indecision. Suggestibility. Loss of confidence. Agitation. Unreality. Obsessions. Sleeplessness. Depression.

But Weekes invites us to look at the larger picture. These experiences may appear to be separate problems, yet they can influence one another and become part of the same nervous pattern.

Fear can increase tension. Tension can contribute to exhaustion. Exhaustion can make frightening thoughts and sensations harder to dismiss. As we become more watchful, we may begin monitoring ourselves, avoiding situations, questioning our abilities and looking for reassurance.

Before long, we may find ourselves reacting not only to the original source of fear, but also to the sensations, thoughts and uncertainty that the fear itself has created.

And so the cycle continues.

Seeing this pattern can change the way you look at your symptoms. A frightening sensation does not necessarily have to dictate your next decision. An intrusive thought does not have to become an investigation. A feeling of unreality does not have to become proof that you are losing your mind. And an anxious "what if" does not have to determine what you are capable of doing.

This is why understanding your anxiety cycle can be so valuable. Once you begin to recognize the pattern, you can start responding differently rather than automatically reacting to every uncomfortable sensation, thought or feeling.

If you would like to explore this cycle more closely, see Understanding the Anxiety Cycle.