Home → Anxiety Help → Anxiety Recovery With Claire Weekes → Facing Fears in Anxiety Recovery

There comes a point in anxiety recovery when understanding is no longer enough. You may understand why you are anxious. You may understand what panic is. You may understand why you have been avoiding certain places, activities, sensations, or situations. You may even understand exactly what Claire Weekes means when she tells you to face, accept, float, and let time pass.

But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two very different things.

This is the heart of Chapter 6 of Peace from Nervous Suffering. Claire Weekes brings us to a very important part of recovery: you have to begin doing. Not perfectly. Not fearlessly. Not all at once. But you have to begin putting what you have learned into practice.

As I read this chapter, what stood out to me most was how clearly Weekes understood that people can know exactly what they are supposed to do and still find themselves unable to do it. That does not necessarily mean they have failed. It means they have reached the point where understanding has to become experience.

Understanding Anxiety Is Only the Beginning

If you are new to Claire Weekes, this is an important place to begin. Understanding why anxiety happens can bring relief, but understanding alone does not always change the way we respond when fear appears. Chapter 6 is about making that change practical: taking what you have learned and beginning to use it in everyday life.

Claire Weekes has already spent considerable time explaining the sensitized nervous system, fear, physical symptoms, panic, and acceptance. By this point in the book, the reader may feel that everything finally makes sense.

But then comes the difficult question:

"What am I actually going to do with what I now understand?"

This is where many people become stuck. They continue reading, thinking, analyzing, planning, researching, and preparing. They may spend hours thinking about recovery without actually practicing the behavior that would help them move forward.

Weekes explains that the actual practice can be much harder than simply understanding the idea. When you are sitting safely at home reading about acceptance, everything can sound reasonable. When you are standing in the middle of a situation that scares you and your heart begins pounding, the old instinct to escape can become very strong.

This is why repeated encouragement is so important. Sometimes we need someone to remind us what we are doing wrong. Sometimes we cannot see our own mistakes because we are too close to them. And sometimes we simply need another person to say, "Keep going. You are learning."

The Three Mistakes That Can Hold Recovery Back

Weekes describes several common ways people interfere with their own progress once they begin trying to face their fears. These mistakes are easy to understand when we look at them from the outside, but they can be surprisingly difficult to notice while we are doing them ourselves.

The three patterns she brings our attention to are:

• Accepting 99% but withdrawing from the last 1%.
• Allowing a setback to throw you into despair.
• Becoming so caught up in thinking about doing that you never actually do.

Let's look at each one carefully, because there is an important lesson inside each of them.

1. You Accept 99% — Then Withdraw From the Last 1%

This may be one of the most important ideas in the entire chapter.

You may be doing very well. You enter the situation you fear. You allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. You notice the sensations without immediately fighting them. You stay for a while. You begin to think, "I can actually do this."

Then, right near the end, fear rises again.

You tense up. You recoil. You decide you've had enough. You leave, hurry home, sit down, or do whatever you normally do to make the uncomfortable feeling stop.

That last little bit may seem unimportant.

But Weekes says it matters.

Why Does the Last 1% Matter?

Remember what Weekes has already taught us about sensitization. The nervous system becomes less sensitive through repeated experiences in which fear is allowed to settle without the person continually adding more fear to it.

Acceptance is not simply saying, "I accept this," while secretly waiting for the feeling to disappear. True acceptance means allowing the experience to be there without immediately responding with the old frightened reaction.

So when you reach that last 1% and suddenly recoil, you have changed your response.

The body becomes tense again. The mind says, "Get me out of here." Relief follows when you withdraw.

And that relief can accidentally teach the brain something you do not want it to learn:

"That situation was dangerous. Leaving saved me."

But according to the way Weekes explains the anxiety cycle, you were not actually escaping the situation. You were trying to escape the feelings that arose while you were in the situation.

That is a very important difference.

Withdrawal Can Become the Habit

Imagine someone who is afraid to drive alone.

They decide to practice. They drive around the neighborhood. They feel anxious but keep going. Then they decide to drive a little farther.

They are almost at the store when panic rises sharply.

They turn around and go home.

They may tell themselves, "I almost made it!"

And they did make progress. But they also practiced something else: turning back when fear became intense.

That is why Weekes wants us to become aware of the moment when we begin to recoil.

The important question becomes:

"Can I notice what my body is doing right now without automatically obeying it?"

Notice the Moment You Begin to Recoil

When you practice facing a fear, pay attention to the moment when you want to pull away. Maybe your shoulders tighten. Maybe you start breathing differently. Maybe you suddenly feel an overwhelming need to leave. Maybe your thoughts become filled with "I can't do this."

That moment is important.

Instead of immediately trying to make the feeling stop, notice it.

Let your body soften as much as you can. Remind yourself why you are there. Allow the feelings to be present. Continue slowly rather than rushing to escape.

You may not always succeed at first. You may leave. You may panic. You may have to try again another day.

That is not the end of the story.

The important thing is to recognize the old pattern and keep practicing.

"Peace Lies on the Other Side of Panic"

This is one of the most powerful ideas in this chapter.

The goal is not to become completely comfortable before you face the situation. If you wait until you feel perfectly calm, you may wait forever.

Instead, you learn that you can experience discomfort without automatically escaping it.

That is how confidence begins to grow.

Weekes gives us a simple way to remember this:

Withdrawal is your jailer.

The more you withdraw because of fear, the smaller your world can become. The more you learn to remain present and continue participating in life, the more freedom you can regain.

2. Don't Let a Setback Throw You Into Despair

The second mistake is treating a bad experience as proof that recovery is not working. Anxiety recovery rarely moves in a perfectly straight line, and one difficult day can feel especially discouraging after you have made progress. Weekes wants us to learn how to respond to setbacks without allowing them to become a reason to stop practicing.

The second mistake is something many people will recognize immediately.

You have a good day.

Maybe you go somewhere you have been afraid to go. Maybe you spend time alone. Maybe you drive farther than usual. Maybe you stay in a situation during a panic attack instead of running away.

You feel proud.

Then a few days later, something goes badly.

You panic again.

And suddenly your mind says:

"See? I haven't recovered after all."

This is where Weekes tells us we must be very careful.

A setback can become another form of withdrawal if you allow it to convince you that there is no point in continuing.

Your Memory Can Make the Setback Feel Worse

Once you have experienced panic in a particular place, your memory remembers it.

The next time you approach that place, you may remember exactly what happened before. You begin expecting the same thing to happen again.

Now you are not only dealing with the present moment. You are also carrying the memory of the previous experience into the new one.

This can make you apprehensive before anything has even happened.

That is why one difficult experience does not mean you should stop going back.

In fact, Weekes makes a striking point: the places and experiences you fear are not your enemy. They are where recovery has to take place.

Recovery Lies in the Places You Fear

This idea can sound almost backwards when you are frightened.

If the grocery store is where you panic, your anxious mind tells you to stay away from the grocery store.

If driving is frightening, anxiety tells you to stop driving.

If being alone is frightening, anxiety tells you never to be alone.

If crowds are frightening, anxiety tells you to avoid crowds.

Avoidance can bring immediate relief. But Weekes asks us to look beyond that momentary relief.

If you always stay away from what frightens you, you never get the repeated experience of discovering that you can face it.

That is why she tells the reader to return to the places that have become frightening and meet them with acceptance.

Recovery lies in the places you fear. See them through with acceptance.

What If You Have a Panic Attack During Practice?

This is an important question because many people believe that having a panic attack during practice means they have failed.

It does not.

If a panic attack happens while you are practicing, the goal is not to panic about the panic. You do not need to prove that you can make every symptom disappear.

Instead, remember what you have learned.

• Notice what is happening.
• Do not add frightening "what if" thoughts to the sensations.
• Allow the physical feelings to be there.
• Relax your body as much as you reasonably can.
• Slow down rather than rushing away simply because you feel uncomfortable.
• Remind yourself that feelings can rise and fall.
• Let the episode pass rather than treating it as an emergency.

Of course, if you are experiencing symptoms that are new, severe, unusual for you, or you are unsure whether what you are experiencing is anxiety, seek appropriate medical attention. Acceptance is not a reason to ignore a genuine medical problem.

But when you recognize the experience as the anxiety pattern you have already learned about, a panic attack does not have to become a reason to abandon your recovery work.

Recovery Means Finding Your Way Back After a Setback

A setback can leave you wondering whether you have lost everything you gained. This section looks at the other side of that experience: recovery is not about never struggling again, but about learning how to find your way back to the right attitude when you do struggle.

One of the most encouraging things about this chapter is that Weekes does not pretend recovery will always feel easy.

You can feel deeply discouraged and still practice the right attitude.

You can feel frightened and still take another step.

You can have a bad day and still begin again tomorrow.

She asks us not to lose the desire to move forward, even when we have fallen back into despair.

That distinction is important.

You do not have to feel hopeful before you begin again. Sometimes hope comes after you begin.

The attitude may begin as something very small:

"I don't feel like I can do this today, but I am going to try again."

That is courage.

Courage Is Built Through Practice

Weekes makes an important point about courage. Courage is not something that only certain people are born with.

People become courageous by practicing courage.

You do not have to wait until you feel brave.

In fact, if you wait until you feel brave before facing fear, you may continue waiting for a very long time.

The courage often comes after the action.

You take the small step. You discover that you survived the discomfort. You take another step. You discover that you can cope. Over time, these experiences begin to change what you believe about yourself.

This is one reason building self-confidence is so closely connected to facing fears.

3. When Thinking About Doing Becomes a Trap

The third mistake is easy to miss because thinking can feel like progress. You may read, plan, research, rehearse, and imagine facing a fear so often that you feel as though you are working on recovery. But eventually, thinking has to become action. This is the part of Chapter 6 where Weekes asks us to stop preparing forever and begin.

The third mistake may be especially familiar to people who spend a great deal of time analyzing their anxiety.

You think about going to the store.

You think about driving.

You think about going to a restaurant.

You think about returning to work.

You think about traveling.

You think about leaving the house.

You think about what might happen.

You think about how anxious you might feel.

You think about whether you are ready.

You think about the best time to try.

And then another day passes.

This is contemplation without action.

Thinking can feel productive because you are working on your problem. But there is a point where thinking becomes another form of avoidance.

Thinking About Recovery Is Not the Same as Practicing Recovery

This does not mean thinking is bad.

Understanding anxiety is valuable. Learning about the nervous system is valuable. Understanding why avoidance can keep fear alive is valuable.

But there comes a time when you have to close the book, stop researching, stop planning, and take one small step into real life.

That is what Weekes means by DO.

She is not telling you to force yourself into the most frightening situation you can imagine. She is telling you not to remain permanently trapped in preparation.

Recovery happens through experience.

Don't Imagine Doing It With the Anxiety You Have Today

Another thing that can stop us from acting is imagining the future with the exact same level of anxiety we have today. If you picture yourself working, traveling, driving, or living normally while feeling just as frightened as you do now, recovery can seem impossible. Weekes offers a more hopeful way to look at the future.

There is another reason people can become paralyzed by contemplation.

They imagine that they will have to do everything they want to do while feeling exactly as ill and frightened as they feel right now.

You might think:

• "How could I ever work again if I feel this way?"
• "How could I travel feeling this anxious?"
• "How could I take care of everything if I keep having panic attacks?"
• "How could I go into a crowded place when I can barely tolerate being at home?"

Weekes reminds us that recovery changes the person who is doing the things.

You are not expected to suddenly perform your entire life at full strength while you are still recovering.

As you practice, strength and confidence can gradually return.

The person who eventually handles the crowded store may not be the same person who was terrified to walk through the door the first time.

This is why you should not try to solve your entire future today.

Take the next step.

Recovery Brings Its Own Strength

It is natural to think that you must become stronger before you can face what frightens you. Weekes turns that idea around. Some of the strength, confidence, and ability you are waiting for can develop through the very process of beginning to do the things fear has made difficult.

This is another idea from the chapter that I think is easy to miss.

You do not have to become strong enough before you begin.

Some of the strength you are looking for is developed because you begin.

Every time you face something you fear and discover that you can remain present, you learn something about yourself.

Every time you notice the urge to withdraw and choose to pause instead, you learn something.

Every time you experience anxiety and discover that you can continue living your life while it is present, you learn something.

These experiences slowly build confidence.

This is why self-confidence is not simply something you think yourself into. Confidence grows from repeated experiences of coping.

What Does "Doing" Actually Look Like?

The word "doing" can sound intimidating if anxiety has greatly narrowed your life. It does not mean that you must suddenly tackle everything you fear. For someone who has been avoiding places, activities, or situations, doing can begin with one manageable step that puts the ideas in this chapter into practice.

When you are anxious, the word "doing" can sound enormous.

You might think Weekes is telling you to suddenly return to your old life and do everything you used to do.

That is not how I understand this chapter.

Doing can begin very small.

The goal is to gradually participate in the situations that fear has taught you to avoid, while practicing the attitude Weekes has been teaching throughout the book.

Examples of Practice

If you are afraid to leave the house, "doing" might begin with standing outside for a few minutes rather than immediately turning around and going back inside.

If you are afraid to drive, it might mean taking a short, familiar drive and gradually increasing the distance as your confidence grows.

If stores frighten you, it might mean entering a small store and staying long enough to practice allowing the anxious feelings to be there rather than immediately escaping.

If being alone frightens you, practice spending a little more time alone while learning not to treat every anxious sensation as a signal that something is wrong.

If social situations frighten you, you might begin with a brief interaction rather than waiting until you feel ready for a large gathering.

The exact situation will be different for everyone.

The principle is the same: choose a manageable step and practice it repeatedly.

How to Approach a Practice Session

Knowing that you need to practice is helpful, but it can leave you wondering what a practice session should actually look like. The following approach is meant to make the idea of "doing" simple and practical. It is not a test you have to pass; it is an opportunity to practice a different response to fear.

A practice session does not have to be complicated. In fact, keeping it simple may help you avoid turning recovery into another thing you have to perform perfectly.

Before You Begin

• Choose one situation you want to work on.
• Choose a step that is challenging but realistic.
• Decide what you are going to do before anxiety starts making the decisions for you.
• Remind yourself that the goal is practice, not perfection.
• Expect some anxiety rather than assuming you must feel calm.

While You Are Practicing

• Slow down.
• Notice your body without constantly checking it.
• Allow anxious sensations to be present.
• Try not to add frightening predictions to the sensations.
• Keep your attention on what you are doing rather than continually asking, "How do I feel now?"
• If you begin to recoil, notice that moment.
• Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable without treating discomfort as danger.
• Continue as calmly as you can.

This is where healthy self-talk can be especially useful. You do not need to give yourself a long speech. A few simple, truthful reminders can be enough.

You might remind yourself:

• "I don't have to feel comfortable to continue."
• "I can allow this feeling to be here."
• "I don't have to run because I feel anxious."
• "I can slow down."
• "This is practice, not a test."
• "I can let this moment pass."

After the Practice Session

Try not to judge the session only by whether you felt anxious.

Instead ask:

• Did I show up?
• Did I face something I normally avoid?
• Did I notice when I began to recoil?
• Did I practice accepting the feelings?
• Did I stay a little longer than I normally would?
• Did I learn anything about my fear?
• What could I try again?

A practice session does not have to feel successful to be useful.

Sometimes the most useful thing you learn is, "This is the point where I usually run."

Once you can see the pattern, you can begin working with it.

What If You Recoil During Practice?

One of the hardest moments in practice is the moment when you know you are beginning to pull away. You may understand the method perfectly and still feel a powerful need to escape. This is exactly why Weekes places so much importance on recognizing withdrawal and learning what to do when it appears.

This deserves special attention because it is probably one of the hardest moments in Weekes' method.

You may recognize exactly what is happening. You know you are beginning to withdraw. You know that this is the old pattern.

And yet you still want to run.

Don't turn that moment into another reason to criticize yourself.

Instead, try to recognize it as information.

"There it is. This is the moment I normally withdraw."

Then slow down.

Relax whatever muscles you can relax. Stop fighting the sensations. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. If possible, remain where you are and let the wave pass.

You may still decide that you need to leave. You may not always be able to complete the practice exactly as planned.

That is okay.

The next opportunity is another chance to practice.

What matters is that withdrawal does not become your final answer.

Don't Wait for the Perfect Mood

Many people do not refuse to recover; they simply keep waiting for the right day to begin. They hope they will sleep better, feel calmer, have more confidence, or wake up without anxiety. Weekes is warning us about this kind of waiting because the perfect mood may never arrive before action does.

Perhaps one of the most practical messages in this chapter is that you cannot wait until you feel exactly right before you practice.

There will always be a reason to wait.

"I didn't sleep well."

"I'm too tired today."

"I'll try when I'm less anxious."

"Maybe tomorrow will be better."

"Today just isn't the right day."

Sometimes rest really is appropriate. Recovery does not mean ignoring your physical needs or forcing yourself through everything.

But Weekes is warning us about something different: waiting for the perfect emotional state before living.

If you only practice when you feel confident, you never get the chance to learn that you can cope while you feel uncertain.

If you only go out when you feel calm, you never learn that you can go out while anxious.

If you only practice when you feel strong, you may never discover that practice itself can help you become stronger.

Repeated Doing Is What Changes the Fear

Facing a fear once can be meaningful, but Chapter 6 is not really about one brave attempt. It is about returning to the work again and again. Repeated practice gives you more opportunities to discover that you can experience fear and still continue with your life.

This is really the heart of Chapter 6.

One experience is rarely enough to undo a long-established fear pattern.

You may have spent months or years avoiding something. It would be unreasonable to expect one brave attempt to erase all of that fear immediately.

Instead, you return.

And you return again.

And again.

Each time, you bring the same basic attitude: face what you can, accept what you feel, do not add unnecessary fear, and allow time to do its part.

This is why Weekes describes salvation as being found in repeated doing.

You are not trying to create one perfect recovery experience.

You are creating many ordinary experiences in which you learn that you can live with uncertainty, discomfort, and fear without automatically withdrawing.

Facing Fear Does Not Mean Forcing Yourself

If you are hearing the word "DO" for the first time, you may worry that Weekes is telling you to force yourself through overwhelming situations. That is not the point. Facing fear means moving toward life while practicing acceptance, not turning recovery into a contest to see how much distress you can endure.

There is an important distinction here.

Facing fears does not mean throwing yourself into the most overwhelming situation you can find and forcing yourself to endure it no matter what.

That is not the spirit of gradual recovery.

Weekes repeatedly emphasizes gradualness. You are learning to move forward step by step, not prove how much suffering you can tolerate.

The goal is not:

"I must make myself stop being afraid."

The attitude is closer to:

"I am willing to feel some fear while I continue with what matters to me."

That is a very different way of approaching recovery.

What Should Your Attitude Be During Recovery?

The way you approach practice matters as much as the activity itself. You can face a situation while fighting every sensation, demanding immediate results, and criticizing yourself for every setback. Or you can bring the attitude Weekes describes throughout her work: patience, acceptance, courage, persistence, and a willingness to keep learning.

If I had to reduce this chapter to one word besides "DO," I would choose attitude.

Weekes is not simply telling us what to do. She is teaching us how to approach what we do.

Try to carry these attitudes with you:

• Patience: Don't expect years of fear to disappear in a few days.
• Acceptance: Allow uncomfortable feelings without immediately fighting them.
• Courage: Take the next step even when you do not feel brave.
• Persistence: Return after setbacks.
• Humility: Be willing to notice the places where you are still withdrawing.
• Hope: Don't let one bad experience decide what your future will be.
• Trust: Give gradual practice time to work.
• Action: Don't spend all of your energy preparing to begin.

Most importantly, don't demand perfection from yourself.

Recovery is learned through repetition. That means there will be awkward attempts, difficult days, setbacks, and moments when you realize you are still doing the old thing.

That is part of learning.

What Chapter 6 Really Means by "DO"

After looking at all of these ideas, it helps to step back and ask what Weekes really means by "DO." The word is simple, but it does not mean simply filling your day with activities. It means moving from understanding into lived experience and no longer allowing fear to make every decision for you.

When I look at the whole chapter, I don't think Weekes is simply saying, "Go out and do more things."

Her message is deeper than that.

She is asking us to stop allowing fear to make all of our decisions.

She is asking us to stop waiting for anxiety to disappear before we begin living.

She is asking us to recognize withdrawal when it happens and not automatically obey it.

She is asking us not to turn a setback into a reason to give up.

And she is asking us to move from understanding into experience.

You have to practice acceptance.

You have to practice facing.

You have to practice continuing.

And you have to practice doing it again.

Don't Let Contemplation Hold You Down

Contemplation can become a comfortable place to stay. You can keep searching for the right explanation, the right plan, or the right time while telling yourself that you are getting ready. This section brings the chapter back to its central message: at some point, recovery requires a step into real life.

This may be the message I would most want someone struggling with anxiety to take from this chapter.

You can think about recovery forever.

You can read another book.

You can search for another explanation.

You can wait until Monday.

You can wait until you sleep better.

You can wait until you feel more confident.

You can wait until the anxiety is gone.

But eventually, there has to be a moment when you begin.

Not the whole journey.

Just the next step.

That is what makes this chapter so practical. Weekes brings recovery out of the world of ideas and puts it back into everyday life.

Salvation lies in repeated doing.

Don't wait for the perfect mood.

Begin where you are.

A Simple Way to Practice Chapter 6

If all of this still feels like a lot, you can make Chapter 6 much simpler. You do not need to solve your whole anxiety problem before you begin. Choose one area where fear has limited you, decide on a reasonable next step, and practice bringing the Weekes attitude with you as you take it.

If you are unsure how to begin, keep it very simple. Choose one thing that anxiety has taught you to avoid and ask yourself what the smallest reasonable step forward might be.

Then practice that step.

Not until you feel perfect.

Not until every symptom disappears.

Practice while allowing some discomfort to be there.

When you notice yourself beginning to recoil, recognize the pattern.

If you have a setback, begin again.

If you become discouraged, remember that discouragement does not have to make the decision for you.

And if you find yourself thinking about doing for days without doing anything, make the next step smaller.

Then do it.